And jokes

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.