And jokes

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

What's the quiet kid's favorite school lunch? Mac-10 and cheese.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...

... And pulled a mussel.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

What do Jesus and a painting have in common?

They hang by nails.

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

How did Jesus become self-sovereign?

He screws himself and becomes his own creator.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?

Because they use honeycombs.

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

What is the biggest lie ever?

"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.