And jokes

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

What is the difference between iPhones and orphans?

iPhones have a home button.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade once. It killed 300 people.

And then it exploded.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.

What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?

There's none, they both don't age well.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?

The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.