And jokes

What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.

Being raped until feminists are offended and butthurt.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"