And jokes

Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?

They always come back.

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

What's the difference between an apple and a child?

The apple gets picked.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a good year, and one's a great year.

What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

The class divides.