And jokes
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
Memes
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.