And jokes

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?

Jacks and 5.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.