And jokes

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”

My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )