America jokes
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
This is funny.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
If you hate America, I don't like you :)
What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?
A bone-étit.
9/11
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
What does America say?
A-marry-ca!
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!