America jokes

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂

Make America hate again.

"Trump is Putin, America first!" hahaha

What do you call a crying dick?

I call it a crying dick.

Shoot.

America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."

I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.

Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

NASA = Not Africa North America. That's what NASA stands for.

Want to hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?

A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.