America

America jokes

Cop

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they all beat the room for being black.

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    • Parachute

    • A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

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    • Prince

    • At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

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    • CPR

    • I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

    I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

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    • JFK

    • You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

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    • Donald Trump

    • A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

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