America jokes
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What do Americans call high school?
Shooting range.
What do you call a white kid at the back of class?
A school shooter.
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.
What did the Brit say to the American?
Well here comes fascism.
Why didn't Trump beat Biden?
Because he couldn't trump that bitch!
The Statue of Liberty is French; she ain't even American. Deport that bitch!
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
Does Donald know his wife is Mexican?
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
I am a fat girl.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."