America jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Bill Cosplay
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Fuck off!
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
you.
Why is Trump bad with America? Because he made it scream.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
My life.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.