Always jokes
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
That do be me though
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
Why was the ant so smart? Because it always knew the answer.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because he kept spitting ice!
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
Yo mama so fat, when she takes an elevator, it ALWAYS goes down!
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
What do rappers like cantaloupe?
Because they’re always dropping fresh MELON!
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.