Always jokes
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One is always picked.
Why is the sand always pissed off?
Because the sand never waves back!
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.
What does a student always get on an alphabet test?
A!