Always jokes

Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Okay, okay, why [are] people askin[g] where I went[?] I[']m always on this website. Never think I[']m not.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

Why do Chinese people never play baseball?

Because they always eat the bat.

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?

Because they're always cutting.

Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?

Because he was always rolling in late.

Trees are so social. They're always branching out.

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants? Because they always get a hole in one!

Why are people that have bipolar disorder never on suicide watch?

Because they are always sucking dick.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.