Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."
"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.
"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Why do they call him Mankind if he is always choke slamming people?
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
Why you should never borrow money from dwarves?
Because they are always short! 😁😁😁😁
