Always jokes
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
Why do orphans always come back?
Because I love cock.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
Why is basketball such a messy sport?
'Cause the players are always dribbling everywhere!
What do you call a rapper who's always sleepy?
NAP-TAIN
I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
best friend makes 9/11 joke.
you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."
best friend: "I'm sorry."
you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.
I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.