Always jokes
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? They always eat the bat.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
Memes
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?
Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.