Always jokes

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Why does a woman never set boundaries with a Mexican? Cause they will always cross it.

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.