Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
Your forehead is so big I could land a jet plane on it.
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
( the plane ) we can’t go over it we can’t go under it oh no we have to go through it
you live in the airport
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
"Hey, look, that plane is getting bigge-"
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
The plane said to the tower, "You're so cute, I want to come crashing into your arms!"
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
