Airport jokes

What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?

Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.

Your forehead is so big, I could land a jet plane on it.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.

Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.

(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.

You live in the airport.

"Hey, look, that plane is getting bigge-"

What's a building's first crush? A plane.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"