Airport jokes

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?

A Boomerang.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.

Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?

Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!

Your forehead is so big, I could land a jet plane on it.

Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the airport.

I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.

Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.