Aed jokes
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."