Aed jokes
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
What do you call a garage that is gay?
A gyarge.
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.