Aed jokes
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?
A) Head and Shoulders.
Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?
A) Shoulders.
For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕
What's a hamburger's favorite color?
Burgundy.
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What do we call a Canadian gay, disciplined cunt?
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?
You don't want your computer to go down on you.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.