Aed jokes
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.