Accident jokes
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Memes
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.