Accident jokes

What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.

What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?

The finish line at the Boston marathon.

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.