Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
