getting hurt is a bone breaking experience it's such a spine tingling event
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
The twin towers are like water bottles
it's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
my blind friend got ran over ............ by a parked car
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the death man who heard it
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk, Molly walked into a bar, her mom laughed and walked under it.
Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.
Poopies in my undies
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3
u were born on the highway, thats where are all the accidents happen ;)
A twin engine has two engines. If one engine stops, the othe will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
When I trying to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend. Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, the sharks are not even bothering him! And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
