What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death i cleary asked for jammy dodgers and got bourbons
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.