dad: My kid just said butch but since he is a kid he said a bad word on accident *the next day* uncle: F*CK
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling so I put a car-pit over it
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her. To not be outdone the blond retort's. Thats nothing once we we're in the kitchen I can't believe I didn't see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!
My wife was run over
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park.
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a "choice". But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called "murder".
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
A guy bought a AMG and crashed it, now he knows how the mercedes BENZ.
a guy crashed his ford suv he couldnt ESCAPE.
why did the boy get run over ? sally was driving
If a person in a wheel car runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can ́t Run
a truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off. Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river, she had a gun. When she got out of the river she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer A: she fell into a minefield
a ball hit me in the vagina
