Abuse jokes
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.