Abuse jokes
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.