One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
