A Little Jokes

i hate it when couples get into a little fight and the change their Facebook status to "single". i have fights with my parents but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan".

there's a kid with loads of new fire men equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kids asks the firemen come have a look at my new gear so the fire men go look at his gear so then the kid says kid: I've got a helmet a big jacket and a oxygen tank and a little wheel barrow for my gear

firemen says: why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls the kid says so I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or starbursts and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, iz

Bully: ur momma so fat that the whales said we r family even though ur a little bigger tah us

Nerd: yo momma so ugly tat when she went in the bathtub the water jumped out

Silence...................punch!

Hi this is Stephanie I was a little bit of a walk

IN our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder. And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car. So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

The Drunk and a priest

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today ma'am...we have every flavor you can imagine". Old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says, "Sorry ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have". ""Ok" she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says just a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream". The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?". Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, "Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?". "Why of course young man" she says, "V-A-N". "Right" the clerk says, "Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?". "Well of course, Straw", she replied. "Ok then" he says, "Now spell Fuck as in chocolate". She says, "There's no Fuck in chocolate". He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!".

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

Every time someone calls you you a little different car? Just say no I’m not

Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night I did not have time today I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner I

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked where’s your parents she said gone my dad when to go get the milk and never came back and I said oof

one day i seen a little boy walking in the grocery store so i asked if he was ok and he said yes i asked where his parents were and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk isle

Addison Banks Age (8) "I'm a little brat who won't shut up the hell! And stop talking!

I did a walk today but it was so much better and a walk home 🏠 I had dinner 🍴 night was good fun at home 🏡 night was good night night I was a little off but you were so fun to be a night