Worst Jokes Ever
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.