Worst Jokes Ever
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.