Worst Jokes Ever

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?

A wet pebble.

"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"

How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?

They're my friends.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.

Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁

Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?

Because he's always calling shotgun.

What's the city with the fastest growing population?

Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi?

A. a PadaJuan.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."