Worst Jokes Ever

Bob has no arms.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"It's not Bob."

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

This is a joke. Laugh now or else.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Assalam alaikum, bitches.

"Room, you on."

Why was the orphan so successful?

When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

Haha, boob!