Worst Jokes Ever
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
A blind comedian walks into a room, or did he? Dun, dun, dun!
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Friend: Eric, spell mouse.
Eric: M O U S.
Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.