Worst Jokes Ever

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Just do it.

When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

Why was 10 scared? Because of 9/11.