Worst Jokes Ever

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?

One kid in eight dustbins.

Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.

Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...

It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.