Worst Jokes Ever

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”

That one kid putting Joe: -_-

Teacher: Who’s Joe?

The whole class: JOE MAMA!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

"Mice Krispies!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken next to him farted.

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

What kind of star would go to jail?

A shooting star!

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

How did the tree get sick?

It got tinsel-itis.

An Irishman walks into a pub.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

Guess what?

Good guess.

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

Retards.

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”