Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.