Worst Jokes Ever
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
We don't read backwards.
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.