Worst Jokes Ever
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
What do you call a blind racist?
A not see.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.