Worst Jokes Ever
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Biden is a joke. Trump is AMAZINGLY AWESOME!
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."