Worst Jokes Ever
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?