Worst Jokes Ever
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.