Worst Jokes Ever
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?
It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!
Old soviet joke.
"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
AMONG US IMPOSTER VENTED RED SUS AMOGUS EMERGENCY MEETING SABOTAGED DEAD BODY REPORTED HAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING...DINGDINGDING, DUN DUN
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.
NASA stands for Need Another Seven Astronauts.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"