Worst Jokes Ever
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.