Worst Jokes Ever
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What is Jesus' favorite band?
Nine Inch Nails.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.