Worst Jokes Ever

What does BLM stand for?

Bisexual Lives Matter.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?

Answer: It tastes better.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

Why do fat cows eat fat cows? Because I wrote this in America.

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.

Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Me playing a game...

What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.

Like if that was good.

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."

Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

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How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...