Worst Jokes Ever

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

I eat dick.

I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.

Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Bear.

Bear who?

Bear bum!

What is big, yellow, and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

Dad: I'm dying.

Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].

Dad: Really, now is not the time.

Son: I'm sorry.

Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)

Best chick ever.

Call me at 6969696969.

Q: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

A: Everywhere!