Worst Jokes Ever

What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?

Bunk beds.

Why did the orphan have an iPhone X? Because it didn't have the home button.

Dad: You're adopted.

Son: Where are my real parents?

Dad: >:D They are dead, now come to their grave and sleep there.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?

"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?

He was shite.

What did the expired butter do once it had expired?

It did an expire.

Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

What did jptheflip win while playing this server?

Craft.

I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

Where did the pig go on holiday?

Snout and about.