Friend: What fly's and cry's?
You: A cloud.
Worst Jokes Ever
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
Why didn’t the toilet cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack!
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?
Because it's stable.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?
A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.