What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
Worst Jokes Ever
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
Let's chat here, sisters!
Kariah, blue heart!
Lariah, pink heart!
Iariah, yellow heart!
Me, green heart!
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
1+1? Too hard.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
Tarik is a retard.
Who's Joe?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends how hard you can throw.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
Why did the octopus 🐙 beat the shark in a fight?
Because he was well armed!
So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
What will Sarah Thompson (Ninja Steel Pink) do if she meets the ToQgers (Train Super Sentai)?
They will TRAIN together.
Why is it so hard to tame a dog?
Because it's unTRAINable!