Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
Worst Jokes Ever
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:
Up
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Suicide squad.
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Skibidi bop mmm dada BOOOOOM!
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?
None fave. Foch heads.
Where's your mom at?
