Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Worst Jokes Ever
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Your forehead is so big, I could land a jet plane on it.
I'M SHORTTT!
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:
Up
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Suicide squad.
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
