Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
What do you call a man who offended an NFL player...
Odin Floyd.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Yo mama so fat that the sun is her moon.
Yo mama so fat that she doesn't need the internet, she is worldwide.
What’s long, brown, and sticky? A stick!
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What do you call a depressed group of kids?
Suicide squad.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
