Worst Jokes Ever
What does my uncle call a school?
A strip club.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
Why is Roblox so blocky? Because it "ro-block."
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
No pine, no gain!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.