Worst Jokes Ever
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.