Worst Jokes Ever
Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.
Why can't orphans have gay sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.