Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
Worst Jokes Ever
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."
Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."
Bully: "Haha, nice joke."
Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."
Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."
Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
This website is darker than the kid that got arrested last week.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
"Knock knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Depression"
"Depression wh-"
ME!! *runs away*
