Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
What kind of knickers is the best?
Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
